SynapticNulship

This is the title page of an 1879 dictionary I have:

THE AMERICAN POPULAR DICTIONARY: CONTAINING EVERY USEFUL WORD TO BE FOUND IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE WITH ITS TRUE MEANING, DERIVATION, SPELLING, AND PRONUNCIATION. ALSO, A VAST AMOUNT OF ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY INFORMATION UPON SCIENCE, MYTHOLOGY, BIOGRAPHY, AMERICAN HISTORY, INDIANS, LAND TITLES, CONSTITUTIONS, LAWS, CITIES, COLLEGES, ARMY AND NAVY, DEBTS, RATE OF MORTALITY, GROWTH OF CITIES, RATES OF INTEREST, INSOLVENT AND ASSIGNMENT LAWS, ETC. BEING A PERFECT LIBRARY OF REFERENCE, IN ONE HANDY VOLUME.

The full title is 506 characters. That’s 3.61 tweets!

And it’s quite the self-marketing title–in a single 512-page book they have amassed every useful word and a vast amount of absolutely necessary information. It reminds me of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy a bit.

SLANG AND VULGAR PHRASES

The title of this post is taken from the absolutely necessary section of the book called “SLANG AND VULGAR PHRASES” which informs us that “dreadful fine” is a contradiction. Here are few interesting quotes from that section:

At loggerheads is uncouth.
Bad box.—”He is in a bad box” has a vulgar air. Say bad predicament, or unpleasant situation.
Comeatable, for approachable; as, “European monarchs are not easily comeatable.”
Fizzle should be applied only to inglorious failures.
Full chisel.—”He went full chisel” is an absurd expression. Say “as fast as he could,” or “he ran his best.”
“How’s yourself, this morning,” savors of the familiarity that breeds contempt.
Otherguess, for otherguise, very different from, or superior to…
A precious mess, a pretty kettle of fish, mean nothing.
Crank, for pert, saucy; as, “He was so crank that he was little respected.” New England.

Without the existence of parody, I would have far less hope for our society. Robert Brockway’s recent article on the Cracked website, “If The Internet Wins The Nobel: A Proposed Acceptance Speech,” makes fun of the effort to give the internet the Nobel Peace Prize.

Unfortunately the Nobel Prize agency hides the nominees list for 50 years in a secret volcano lair, so I’m not sure if the intertubes is actually a nominee right now.

Brockway points out the strangeness of recent awards/nominations to abstract concepts, such as “You” for Time’s Person of the Year. Why don’t we nominate abstract concepts for President?  Brockway bemoans the internet’s qualifications, concluding that this would really be a peace prize for pornography.

Despite his brilliance, Brockway misses one aspect of the internet that makes it somewhat different than other abstract concepts, which is that it’s also a tool. Even if you disagree with the usage, the acceptance of a tool for a major award may be a predecessor to a future culture in which intelligence, personhood and rights apply to a myriad forms, not just humans.   And not just in object-oriented forms.

“In the future, your clothes will be smarter than you.”
—Scott Adams

The interfaces of the web allow us to interact with agents who may not be human. Would you care if other players in multiplayer games were bots, as long as they acted like humans? Would you follow software agents on Twitter? I certainly would.  Would you have sex with a sufficiently humanlike robot (or web agent + peripheral)?  I certainly…um…

“Smart” gadgets now are still relatively idiotic. But we’ll have more and better mobile assistants and home appliances in the future. Also, if we can work out the interfaces, automatic systems and software agents will become better at doing online chores and information aggregation for us.

In the real world, augmented pets and socially adept robots may be among your friends. Telepresence robots will let you interact in the same physical space with remote humans, software agents, pets, corporations, etc.

This could be the era in which humans finally start accepting machines, distributed systems, and other non-humans as people. Or if not as people, than as new classes of rights-bearing entities.

Bonus points to anybody who makes an “I for one welcome…” comment.

Credit: arnoKath

A friend, family member, or coworker who abuses the Comic Sans font presents a danger to himself and to others. This person may be risking their position at work, ruining family relationships, and making poor decisions that result in financial disaster. It is often a difficult and daunting task to confront a friend about such a problem. Nevertheless, such a confrontation could save your friend’s life. Comic Sans abusers do not believe that they need help. It is an action of love to introduce the subject and help your friend confront these demons.

Steps

1. Be sure that your friend or coworker really has a Comic Sans problem.
2. Prepare a strategic plan of action. Talk with a typographer and ask on how you can help your friend’s Comic Sans problem. What you can do for your friend depends a lot by your age, the help resources and your friend him/her self.
3. Write down how you want to help your friend. Before you approach your friend, ask yourself, “What do I want to get out of this meeting?” Possible objectives might be:
   • A realization that this lifestyle is destructive.
   • An honest admission of Comic Sans use.
   • A desire to be Comic Sans-free.
   • Agreement to ask for help.
   • Attendance at a support group.
   • A system of accountability.
   • Enrollment in a Comic Sans rehabilitation program.
   • Reconciliation with estranged family members.
   • Restitution for damage to others.
   • Surrender to authorities for outstanding warrants.
4. Approach your friend with a nonjudgmental voice. Confrontations that begin with “You should…” or “You shouldn’t…” will turn the discussion into a battle that will force your friend to defend him or herself. A better approach might be, “When you use Comic Sans, I feel sad and I get worried you might be hurting yourself and putting yourself into harms way.” It means that you should talk about your feelings toward your friend.
5. State your commitment to your friend. One of the greatest fears of the Comic Sans abuser is that he will lose his friends or family if he is found out. Offering support in the rehabilitation process is important. Offer to attend 12-step meetings with your friend. Offer to be there if he has to tell his parents and other superiors about his abuse.
6. Be the example. It is important that you walk the walk as well as talk the talk. If you are going to help someone get clear of Comic Sans, you must be willing to go Comic Sans free as well.
7. Do not enable your friend. Make it clear that you will not tolerate his Comic Sans use and will not associate with him when he is using. This is not the same as never talking with him, but it means you will walk away if you see him using.
8. Get the help of capable people. Do not do this alone if possible. An intervention is far more successful if others are present. If you are young, talk to a parent or a teacher or a counselor or a principal. Don’t stop seeking help until someone listens to you and offers to help.
9. Gather a variety of possible solutions. It is not easy to get someone to admit that they have a Comic Sans addiction. After your approached your friend you can give possible solutions. It’s better to go through the the information in the forms of brochures or videos that you can hand to your friend so that he may see help is available.
10. Be direct in your approach. Be clear and direct. “I saw you formatting an HTML email yesterday and I felt scared.” “When you use Comic Sans, I get afraid that you will say and do things that will hurt my feelings and my body.” “I will not hang around you when you are using or are under the influence of Comic Sans.” “I want to help you kick the habit, I know of a Comic Sans Abuser Anonymous meeting tonight at 8, I will go with you and sit through the meeting to help you check it out.”

Attribution: This is a remix of WikiHow (Creative Commons license).